That small detail aside, I want to make a formal announcement.

I HATE YOU.

Unless I have known you personally for 10 or more years, I want you to know that I hate you. No, really. I don’t like you, and I don’t trust you.

This formerly-great country was built with a justice system based on one assumption: you are innocent until proven guilty.

Well, not in Andrew-Land. I am forever jaded. I don’t trust anyone anymore. I like nobody. I assume you want to hurt me or take my things. I hate my job because it requires that I smile and be friendly to your face when all I want to do is cut all your cables and move on like a tumbleweed blowing across the desert. I have no reason to act or believe otherwise.

I try to inject some happiness into my blog posts usually, but I don’t feel like doing that right now. All I want you to know is that I hate you, everyone, with all of my being. Please, don’t ever speak to me.

Also, please die.

Hello, I am your new friend and counselor! Now, let us play a fun little game to help us learn each ah-thers names!

But seriously, it’s been a while, I know. These days though, I have little to blog about. I do nothing, I see no one, and I have yet to get a job. I’ve found plenty, and applied at over 40 of them. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve gone and applied at places like burger King (I worked there in the past) without so much as a titter from them. It’s a little depressing.

Okay, it’s ALOT depressing.

Apart from that, I have begun moving forward where my education is concerned. I have applied to CSU Fresno and George Fox University. I have not heard whether or not I am accepted yet, but I only applied about a week ago. If the GFU thing works out, I will probably go there and live with Brad. CSUF is sorta like a backup at this point. I am really sick of Visalia now, so moving away from here is appealing at the moment.

I think often these days, about stuff. The other day, I realized that this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. Isn’t it? This feeling that never goes away, a mixture of inadequacy, despair, and mediocrity. It’s an understanding that has settled over me during the past few years, that I am not destined for something great. How can I be? Those who are destined to be great do not take 6 years to obtain a 2 year degree from a community college while earning lackluster grades, for example. That childhood dream we are all indoctrinated with about us being special is a farce, and I think that is what I have come to realize. I no longer have dreams of the future. I no longer aspire to be anything. Daydreams about having a decent house and a running car and a steady job have gone out the window.

I have no idea what the future holds, why set myself up for failure?