Musings
So.
Yeah, yeah. I know. I can read the dates on my posts. There isn’t any need to get descriptive. I know!
This post is mainly due to you, Mom. I was under the impression that not a single soul, including myself, ever looked at this here blog. The bots are out in full force, but a human person isn’t willfully visiting usually.
I am posting this from a laptop in my bedroom in a nearly empty apartment. It is also completely devoid of contact with the Internet. This is like taking away air for me. I need it. Luckily, my cell provider has this promotion going right now for mobile broadband. I made quick work of pairing the phone to the computer and creating a connection. I hit a small snag but worked it out quickly. I have a month of free access to the Internet now using my cell phone.
So, if anyone else besides myself or my Mom happens to come by here, I’m going to provide an update of sorts.
School is out and done now for GFU students this semester. I am pretty positive that engineering is not for me. I am looking into different schools again for a completely different major. This time I am going to try to play to my strengths. I feel like it is getting too late in the game for me to be making any more stupid choices. This time has to be for real. If this doesn’t work, then I will need to accept a life of mediocrity. I’m not sure why I felt that I was going to go on to do great things when 99.999% of the people on this planet don’t ever do anything that history will remember them for. I guess I used to feel like I could make a difference. Don’t ask me to clarify any of this, it’s supposed to be vague. I don’t have any concrete expectations anyway.
There is something comforting about “blending in”, though. Just being a normal person, who owns an average house, average car, and lives an average life. Actually, I take that back. I’d just not like to be family screw-up anymore. Someone else can have that title. Everyone in my immediate family is doing something or going somewhere. I’m still spinning in circles and not really going anywhere, blinded by the bright light that is reality.
This past year, I think I have come to realize a few things though. It’s a bit hard to quantify or verbalize sometimes. I guess one of the big ones is that if I want or need something to get done, I need to do it myself. One other thing is that I am the biggest (metaphorically speaking here) most apathetic person I know. I keep expecting to be “entranced” by something. I used to feel like I would eventually be suddenly struck by what my life purpose is supposed to be without any intervention by myself. It’s not like that, I know that now. That only happens in books and in movies. Reality begs to differ.
Seriously though, my family needs to stop thinking that I am some sort of computer genius. So I know how to connect some wires to get surround sound working, big deal. I can fix computer problems too, but I think that just comes from a heightened ability to craft meaningful searches on Google. It might also be just that since I’ve spent so much time messing with computers that I have already experienced that problem or symptom and remembered what I eventually did to fix it. Just because I know a tiny more than you doesn’t mean I’m suddenly an expert on that subject. There are plenty of people out there who are far more knowledgeable and experienced than I am. I feel uncomfortable when I get asked to fix VCR’s or the like that I have never repaired in my life because quite frankly I have never even opened one up, I have no way of obtaining electrical diagrams or schematics, and I have no way of identifying what the problem is. I don’t even build my own web pages. I use pre-built packages from groups of people that really are smart, like this blog, for instance. Wordpress is fantastic and is infinitely easier to use and keep updated now with the automatic update options that have been added. Back on-topic though, I just feel wrong doling out advice on stuff for which I have no formal training. Nearly everything that I know about the Internet, computers, or any tech at all I have taught myself or have gone to read about from reputable sources like white papers or research stuff. I don’t know. It’s like I’m receiveing an award for a something I didn’t do and shouldn’t get.
Oh well, I’ve spent enough time here I think. I’ll be updating a bit more often once I have some meaningful stuff to put here. Maybe when I start working in Idaho. We’ll see.
Spoken like a true engineering student. Don’t give it up just yet. I had the same problem starting out in my engineering degree it felt like an arranged marriage to me. You hate it at first but you grow to love it. The only reason I started out as an EE major was because that’s what my dad did and he had basically been the doom-sayer of all other colleges when I was preparing to go to college.
Now that I’ve finally started my major related classes it hasn’t gotten any easier but I definitely enjoy it more than I did when I started. When I started I knew it wasn’t for me. Just give it another chance. It’s going to suck, but then most college sucks no matter what your major is.
Oh and by the way, I can tell by the way you write you should still be an engineer, maybe not the same variety you’re studying for now but the way you outline your problems and ideas is exactly like all the other engineers I know.
Now I know why I enjoy reading your posts. They reflect so perfectly with how I personally feel. As though you’ve found a way to get into my head and pull out what I’d like to say but am unable to compile together. That of course is with the execptions of things unique to yourself like engineering school. I’ve never had the priv to continue education efforts.
You and I are a lot alike. But I think you write MUCH MUCH better.