No! Stop It!

2009-10-18

People!

No Christmas related items are to be installed, sung, played, decorated, eaten, enjoyed, or otherwise referred and alluded to prior to the culmination of Halloween. I just saw a commercial for Hershey’s Kisses and it had Christmas music in the background.

Too early! Got it?

Look, I like Christmas just as much as anyone. The holiday season is probably one of the best times of the year, at least in my humble opinion. I really enjoy the smells and flavors, the sensations (who doesn’t like to warm up inside after being outside in the cold while putting up Christmas lights?), and the sentiment. It’s a fun time of the year, regardless of it’s drawbacks.

But really, let’s hold off on the decorating and indulging until at least after Halloween. Personally, I would rather wait until after Thanksgiving, but my efforts to that end have been less than fruitless for a while now.

Please, please, wait. I don’t want to be sick of it all and then realize that there are still 2 weeks to go…

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Failure

2009-09-07

Someone said something very nice to me tonight via chat. While I appreciate it immensely, I couldn’t help but feel worse afterwards.

I spend too much time thinking.

I don’t want to come across as one of those whiny, Emo losers. I’m not after pity. I guess I’m just putting this down so I have a record of it for later. Maybe someday I can look back and say something like, “Boy, I was sooo naive then!” or, “I’m glad things seemed to work out 50 years later when Jesus came back.”

The reason my demeanor changed (other than possibly due to food deprivation) is because I feel like people are examining or judging me. I want to be better. I want to have a direction, but I don’t have one. I want to have goals, but I don’t have any. I feel like a failure under the momentary scrutiny and it bothers me. Maybe I am being irrational. Maybe not. I think the former.

I hate this feeling of despair that sits in my chest. I don’t want to disappoint my parents any more than I already have. I don’t want to be a burden on my family or society.

At this point, I would be elated if I could survive on my own. Seriously. Scraping by maybe, but completely self-sufficient. Unfortunately, I can’t even make this happen. I know a little about a plethora of things, but am not an expert at anything. Not enough to turn anything into a career and not enough to have any use at a job. I can’t even nail down my own interests. I flit from thing to thing like a crazed, caffeinated hummingbird, stopping only long enough to get a taste and then moving on to the new interest of the moment.

I hate being like this!

I wish I could focus on one thing for a substantial period of time. Even if I consciously make an effort, it never happens. My mind makes itself up and moves on to something else. I feel like a passenger in the back seat of a car. My brain is driving at breakneck speed and I don’t get to provide any input as to the direction we go next or when (if!) we stop. It’s maddening and completely demoralizing at best. I usually descend to utter despair after my nightly contemplation of my situation, though. I feel like it’s a stupid set of circumstances to be in and I wonder about how I let it come to be this way.

Maybe it’ll work out. Maybe it won’t. Maybe my destiny is to have to suckle the teat of the government for the entirety of my life. Maybe there is something else I am supposed to do (or not do). People always say, “God has a plan for you”, which is all fine and good. It’s a blanket statement that people make when they don’t know what else to say (Not that I want them to say anything. I’d rather not deal with it at all…). Who’s to say they are good plans? I make plans to go to bed. Nothing of note there. Boring, mediocre plans, but plans nonetheless. Not everybody has a wonderful life. The world is a stupid, moronic place and I may struggle like this for the rest of my meaningless existence (which it feels like to me). Has my point here been made?

For some reason I felt compelled to write this. I wish my thinking and reasoning (or lack thereof) weren’t so bass-ackward.

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Why Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog…

2009-08-25

… is the best short film ever (to me). I just finished watching it again.

I call it a romanticometragedy. Elements from comedy, romance, and tragedy films are all present. Joss Whedon, his cast, and crew put together a masterpiece. The story is brilliant. I don’t know who I want to be the winner throughout. You want to sympathize with Dr. Horrible because he seems like an every-man trying to move up in the world. Captain Hammer is the good guy, but he’s a complete, manipulative jerk and nobody knows it.

I love this movie to death. I am not normally what one would call a costumer, but I have done extensive research on Dr. Horrible’s outfit in the movie. Presumably, this is because I would like to put together a film-accurate replication of the ensemble, but I have yet to bite the proverbial bullet and actually begin to acquire the pieces. I really want to do it, though I’m not sure I am ready to join the cosplay crowd. (I know, I’m using a very loose definition of the word…)

In all seriousness though, if you can spare 45 minutes from your day sometime, I very highly recommend watching Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog. Please. You won’t be disappointed!

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